INFJ Problems – Sharing Feelings

Hi, I’m an INFJ… and I suck at sharing my feelings.

Now, I’ve gone on and on in this series about how INFJs are fantastic at reading your feelings, and empathising with you until you practically vomit over the gooeyness of it all.

That said, we sure do suck at letting people know about our feelings.


As your local INFJ know-it-all, I’m going to come clean now and say, I don’t know why we find this so hard to do. I’m assuming it’s to do with our strong sense of Introversion and not liking having the spotlight on us, but you can be sure you’re taking to an INFJ if you start a conversation with someone and say “no, really, how are you” and they deflect with “ok but I can see you’re not, tell me about it.”

We’re masters at this. Deflection. In fact, in medieval times I’ll bet INFJs didn’t even need shields.

But in all seriousness, there is nothing more that an INFJ wants than for you to ask “What’s really going on inside you?” She won’t tell you but she’ll be thrilled that you care enough to ask.

Which begs the question; why are so many INFJs drawn to the profession of writing? Writing is, after all, the very definition of opening one’s innermost secrets and spilling them out on a blank page. Leaving one open to be read, scrutinized and then the very worst horror of all… critiqued.

The thought of a negative review or bad critique makes me shudder with revulsion. Yet I’m planning a December release for Guns of Perdition, which will leave me open to all the scrutiny and reviews in the world. So why do it?

Because we’re weird. That’s why.


The conundrum that is the INFJ continues…


*If you’d like to know more about INFJs or the Myers Briggs Personality Types follow this link.

36 thoughts on “INFJ Problems – Sharing Feelings

  1. I once had my closest friend say to me something along the lines of “I’m always sharing my problems with you. It would be nice if you did the same with me once in a while so I could be there for you too.”

    Why do we find it so hard? No idea, just that it’s almost impossible. I love these posts because they’re always spot on. That chart is perfect too.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. I think it may be a combination of “wanting to share” and “fearing they don’t really want to know”, with a little “I don’t want to impose” thrown in for good measure.

      Liked by 2 people

    2. I’ve never found a single image that resonates with me as much as that can. I was at my last employer for a year and during that time they uncovered I had dogs and was married. That’s it. They didn’t know my birthday, my writing passion, my real interests. It’s almost like a game now… “lets see how much I can withhold” 😏

      Liked by 3 people

      1. There are definitely times where someone will randomly be discussing something, and as a reflex I’ll answer a question. “What’s a LARP?” someone asks.
        “Live Action Role Play,” I say.
        “Wait…how do you know that?”
        *Shrug* “I know people who are into that sort of thing.”
        And they’re left to wonder what else I know.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Somewhere I heard a story where a murder mystery novelist got in serious trouble for their search history. And supposedly the production team behind Die Hard with a Vengeance got some real heat for exposing some very real weaknesses in certain high profile institutions.

        Liked by 1 person

      3. I was there 7 years in management and they never acknowledged my birthday nor my writing (11 books) and when they found out my age….they plotted to fire me… I swear I’m happy, not bitter, just observations…. haha

        Liked by 1 person

  2. I think part of the allure in writing is simultaneously sharing, while still letting people choose to learn (via reading), or not. And writing allows us to create some safe distance between when we express ourselves and when others have a chance to read and respond.
    I’ve found that I’m more at ease expressing myself through the written word than the spoken.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Here’s one for you….I’m good at expressing myself verbally (when I choose to), and I’m good at writing characters and their emotions, but if I need to write from my heart, expressing my own emotions, I usually fail miserably. Weird!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. Found out recently that I’m a definite INFJ. Everything so far seems to peg me outright, except writing. I’ve been told for years that I should write my feelings down, blah, blah, blahhhh. I cannot, will not do that. I wish could understand what the issue is…it may help with all the BS going on in my head all.the.time. Maybe I’m uber paranoid of someone reading my business…I do believe I would unleash hell on them. I have really tried writing in times past, then will run across it years later only to think…what a dork, what the crap is with you??? LOL ! Why in Gods name would you put something like that on paper???? I’m frustrated for sure.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah welcome to being an INFJ. Our own brains are the biggest most Machiavellian evil villain we will ever come across. I found researching INFJ helped me to understand some of the weirdness. I thought I had a mental health issue for a long time until I came across the INFJ profile. (To qualify, I do have depression and anxiety but I thought I had bipolar for a long time).


      1. Oh. My. Gosh. Doctor tried to tell me over 25 years ago that I was bipolar….bullsh**!!! I’m no more bipolar than the chair I’m sitting in. I will admit that reading all the information about INFJs that I’ve come across has helped me understand more about myself than I ever have. It’s like a breath of fresh air finally…to actually have a name for the way I am and to know that there are other people with the same weirdness….completely puts a plug in the hole that’s been in my life for so very long. I also have periodic depression and the anxiety, wow the anxiety is something to behold. But, it is who I am and I’m ok with that, for now.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. It definitely DOES help knowing a little about why you feel, think and act the way you do… and that other people share your thoughts, feelings and actions. Take heart Deb, there’s quite a lot of us INFJs here in the community 😉


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