INFJ Problems – Conflict

Hi. I’m an INFJ… and I will fight to get away from conflict. Contradiction? Yes? Well tough. That’s what INFJ’s are. A walking contradiction.

Seriously though, there are fewer Myers Briggs Types that hate conflict as much as the INFJ. We love harmony and peace in all aspects of our lives, including within our own self… and therein often lies the problem, as INFJs are notoriously known for their incongruency in their perception of self. As such, we spend an awful lot of time in conflict due to our own idiosyncracies and incongruency. Consequently, a lot of INFJs you come across are depressed and/or suffer from anxiety.

But it’s also external conflict that turns an INFJs belly into jelly. We go out of our way to avoid external conflict; quitting jobs, slamming the door on toxic people or being the eternal peace-maker in order to avoid conflict. Why? Because conflict turns the gentle INFJ into something she’s not. Conflict draws out the beast; that side of the INFJ best left sleeping.

Thus between an eternal battle of inner conflict and trying to avoid or suppress external conflict, INFJs come to loath the C word. We will move heave and earth not to find ourselves in conflict. Just look at me and hubby (also an INFJ); in the 19 years of being a couple, there’s not been a single argument. We just can’t fight with each other.

So, should you be a fiery Type who enjoys combatting others… take note, leave the INFJ be… or be prepared for some seriously bad fall-out.


If you’d like to know more about INFJs or the Myers-Briggs Types Indicators follow this link 

35 thoughts on “INFJ Problems – Conflict

  1. Thank you to introduce me the INFJ term by Myers-Briggs. I just want to tell that I love harmony and living in peace – mind free. However, in many cases, when there is no escape, I face it directly… And mostly, it works. But by forcing the powers of my brain over the emotions of my heart. Which is somehow energy consumption.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Interesting. I don’t care for conflict either, but make my living in a world of conflict. I’m capable of dealing with it, and practice has improved my game. I don’t avoid it like the plague though. INTJ here.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have to say it’s pretty much the same for me. I hate conflict to the extreme yet I’ve worked in mental health, family violence and now disability services where conflict is around every door! Weird. Oh that’s right, I’m an INFJ….

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Yep that’s me…internally conflicted and avoid external conflict like the plague!

    These posts on INFJ are so interesting Jessica. Thanks for writing these up!

    On a side note, how have you been feeling?

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I went through the same thing last year. I was sore for a long time but I think that was because I also had underlying depression that I was fighting and had been fighting for a long time. The stress of the surgery sent me spiralling, you could say, and I lost all ability to focus, concentrate. Writing took a long time to get back into. I’m so glad you are doing better. Be patient with yourself! You will be up to speed in no time.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Awww…I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad that your husband is so supportive. Feel free to contact me anytime if you’d like to chat. Twitter might be easiest if you want to DM me. @inspiration_pie

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Every time I read “distance” I laughed a little. It’s funny how that could be the litany for this post.

    Recently I actually had a very good week, just consistently positive exchanges with other people, to the point where even those who normally get my goat cannot, and they were thoroughly confused by my lack of competition.

    But yeah, I definitely relate to that idea of “People turning me into a monster I’m not.” I’ve definitely known a few who are actually very nice people; they’re just so sensitive, and struggling with so much, that you almost never see it.

    Fortunately we also have good people helping us to understand ourselves 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I do detest conflict. Life flows along in a peaceful smooth line, and if there is a slight road bump, I have to do whatever is necessary to smooth it out. INFJs are great at doing that. Then occasionally we hit the hurdle we CAN’T smooth away and the perfect peaceful, non-conflict world we’ve built totters. We suck at dealing with tottering. It’s just not in our makeup, which is why all those buried emotions surge forward in a nasty complex outburst.

    As always, I love your INFJ posts, Jess!

    Liked by 2 people

  6. Wow spot on!! And ironic that I read the comments. The first one from Stevie hit home as I had an abusive mother and learned to walk on eggshells around her at an early age.

    Liked by 1 person

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