Hi. I’m an INFJ… and I will fight to get away from conflict. Contradiction? Yes? Well tough. That’s what INFJ’s are. A walking contradiction.
Seriously though, there are fewer Myers Briggs Types that hate conflict as much as the INFJ. We love harmony and peace in all aspects of our lives, including within our own self… and therein often lies the problem, as INFJs are notoriously known for their incongruency in their perception of self. As such, we spend an awful lot of time in conflict due to our own idiosyncracies and incongruency. Consequently, a lot of INFJs you come across are depressed and/or suffer from anxiety.
But it’s also external conflict that turns an INFJs belly into jelly. We go out of our way to avoid external conflict; quitting jobs, slamming the door on toxic people or being the eternal peace-maker in order to avoid conflict. Why? Because conflict turns the gentle INFJ into something she’s not. Conflict draws out the beast; that side of the INFJ best left sleeping.
Thus between an eternal battle of inner conflict and trying to avoid or suppress external conflict, INFJs come to loath the C word. We will move heave and earth not to find ourselves in conflict. Just look at me and hubby (also an INFJ); in the 19 years of being a couple, there’s not been a single argument. We just can’t fight with each other.
So, should you be a fiery Type who enjoys combatting others… take note, leave the INFJ be… or be prepared for some seriously bad fall-out.
If you’d like to know more about INFJs or the Myers-Briggs Types Indicators follow this link
Jessica Bakkers 
My husband hates conflict, and tends to walk away. I put it down to his childhood years when trying not to upset a controlling mother.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Whoa, that cuts to the bone. I had the same thing. Maybe it’s a bit of INFJ a bit of a mum thing.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yeah probably.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you to introduce me the INFJ term by Myers-Briggs. I just want to tell that I love harmony and living in peace – mind free. However, in many cases, when there is no escape, I face it directly… And mostly, it works. But by forcing the powers of my brain over the emotions of my heart. Which is somehow energy consumption.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I wish I could face conflict directly Mohamad. It would save a lot of heartache and angst in the long run I think. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Interesting. I don’t care for conflict either, but make my living in a world of conflict. I’m capable of dealing with it, and practice has improved my game. I don’t avoid it like the plague though. INTJ here.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I have to say it’s pretty much the same for me. I hate conflict to the extreme yet I’ve worked in mental health, family violence and now disability services where conflict is around every door! Weird. Oh that’s right, I’m an INFJ….
LikeLiked by 1 person
Love love love this.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Kerry!
LikeLike
Great piece Jess. Husband #2 loved to fight. He considered it sport. It was pretty horrible. One of the reasons he is an ex. 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ew… that’s terrible Penny 😦 glad he’s an ex now… you don’t need that in your life. Sunshine, hugs and puppies coming your way!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Blessed are the peacemakers for they are INFJ ( and possibly INFJ-T as I can’t remember what that demoted).
xxx Huge Hugs xxx
LikeLiked by 1 person
We are that; to our own detriment!
LikeLiked by 1 person
So interesting, Jess. Now that I know I’m an INFJ, I can come here for my weekly therapy. Ha ha.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Bahaha! Yeah, that’s me. Giving unsolicited therapy. Such an INFJ thing to do!
LikeLiked by 1 person
😀 We get it where we can.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yep that’s me…internally conflicted and avoid external conflict like the plague!
These posts on INFJ are so interesting Jessica. Thanks for writing these up!
On a side note, how have you been feeling?
Jo-Ann
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Jo-Ann! I’m starting to do a lot better now. My pain is going and my head is getting better too. Still not up to writing fiction yet but I feel the urge building 😉
Dear of you to ask 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I went through the same thing last year. I was sore for a long time but I think that was because I also had underlying depression that I was fighting and had been fighting for a long time. The stress of the surgery sent me spiralling, you could say, and I lost all ability to focus, concentrate. Writing took a long time to get back into. I’m so glad you are doing better. Be patient with yourself! You will be up to speed in no time.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That’s exactly what I’m going through 😞
My husband is wonderful at keeping my spirits up though so I have a reason to smile each day 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awww…I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad that your husband is so supportive. Feel free to contact me anytime if you’d like to chat. Twitter might be easiest if you want to DM me. @inspiration_pie
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks hon I really appreciate it ☺️
LikeLiked by 1 person
Every time I read “distance” I laughed a little. It’s funny how that could be the litany for this post.
Recently I actually had a very good week, just consistently positive exchanges with other people, to the point where even those who normally get my goat cannot, and they were thoroughly confused by my lack of competition.
But yeah, I definitely relate to that idea of “People turning me into a monster I’m not.” I’ve definitely known a few who are actually very nice people; they’re just so sensitive, and struggling with so much, that you almost never see it.
Fortunately we also have good people helping us to understand ourselves 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
I am a lovely person at heart. People just drag out the monster… and it usually takes a dog to send the monster skulking away again. I wonder if all INFJs relate better to animals than to people? 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
It was drummed into me at an early age that I was always wrong. Therefore, I avoided a lot of conflict in my life because I believed that I would be in the wrong. Great piece Jess.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Sometimes I wonder how much avoidance of conflict is actually an INFJ thing or a mom thing………. at least she was the one who did the drumming in my household.
LikeLiked by 1 person
For me anyone, including my mother, could have said it and I would have taken it on board.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Awesome post as always, Jess! I avoid conflict like the plague; that’s the story of my life. 😅
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yup. With a title like ‘stories of a highly sensitive introvert’ I kinda guessed 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
😛😛😛
LikeLike
I do detest conflict. Life flows along in a peaceful smooth line, and if there is a slight road bump, I have to do whatever is necessary to smooth it out. INFJs are great at doing that. Then occasionally we hit the hurdle we CAN’T smooth away and the perfect peaceful, non-conflict world we’ve built totters. We suck at dealing with tottering. It’s just not in our makeup, which is why all those buried emotions surge forward in a nasty complex outburst.
As always, I love your INFJ posts, Jess!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Amen to this. I’m tottering at present and torn between sending a text message that could devastate the relationship or making nice… which I’m sick of doing with this person.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow, I’m late in catching up. Hope you were able to resolve things to YOUR satisfaction.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Meh 😕 it’ll do…
LikeLiked by 1 person
Wow spot on!! And ironic that I read the comments. The first one from Stevie hit home as I had an abusive mother and learned to walk on eggshells around her at an early age.
LikeLiked by 1 person